Snow going in Skagit County!

So, two days ago when the Seattle area weather people were once again predicting Puget Sound would cease to exist under an impending blanket-of-God-forbid-snow! A measly inch or so fell in Seattle, and most area folks continued their lives, albeit now with a fully stocked pantry. Should have it stocked anyway for impending earthquakes and terrorist attacks-so this is good practice!

Meanwhile, up here in Skagit County-the Snow gods must have felt we needed a blast of winter-so they unleashed on us-14 inches of snow in the west up to three feet in the eastern regions. Twenty miles to the north and south-Niente neve! But we got covered! One of the more remarkable things about this snow epidemic was the rate that it came down-about 3 inches an hour for a couple of hours. So, the next morning, Skagit County awoke to a wintry wonderland.

This New Hampshire transplant loves it-and I might add that I work at home, so I don't need to fret about hitting the roads. Now, if you aren't a western Washingtonian you'll have a hard time imagining this - we had a storm drop 14 inches of snow in my neighborhood-and a plow never came by! A day later when he finally did, all he did was drive around-you actually have to have that blade scrape the pavement to do any good-and use some sand and salt while you are at it!

So, my road is not looking so good. No problem though-life continues for me. Heather and I shoveled our driveway and -it's impeccable-cleared right down to the pavement. So are the driveways of my neighbor from Alaska, my neighbor who once lived in the Cascades, my neighbor from the Midwest, my neighbor the fireman (who is also former military) and my Mexican neighbor (he works hard and so does his young son doing what I had to do back east when I was growing up-help my dad shovel the blasted driveway! These coddled American-born kids can learn a little responsibility and work ethic from their Mexican-born peers!)

Now, some of my western Washington born and raised neighbors have yet to leave their houses. No sign of them. Driveways completely buried. Cars covered. Do they not go to work? Are they in their bomb shelters? Meanwhile-Heather and I have some skiing to do-off to Sedro-Woolly to cut some tracks in all that fresh powder at Northern State Recreation Area. What a day! Only the second time in the four years I have lived in Skagit County that I got to enjoy low country Skagit County skiing.

The first time-during the winter blast of Dec 2008-we were the only ones there-we even made the paper! This time the word is out-the place has been tracked. More East coast and Midwest transplants moved into the area I suppose? Maybe if enough of them keep moving here they can hold a plowing seminar-and have a fundraiser to buy more plows! Think about it. We spend a lot of money preparing for earthquakes, yet I have only been in one here in my 21 years in western Washington. Snowstorms? At least one or two a year-and they are getting fiercer than they were in the 90s. I think its time our cities and towns budget more snow removal equipment-and for the rest of you-buy a shovel-and some cross country skis! Let is snow! The world will go on-and it can be fun!

(photo-Heather breaking tracks after the big Skagit snow blast of 2011)

Burning down the sh*t house!

To quote one of my all time favorite bands-the Talking Heads:

Hold tight, wait 'till the party's over
Hold tight, we're in for nasty weather

My house S'out of the ordinary
That's right Don't want to hurt nobody
Some things sure can sweep me off my feet
Burning down the house

That's what went though my mind on Oregon's Nesmith Point when I stumbled upon this pitiful privy, this dilapidated house of defecation, this languished log cabin, this crumbling crapper, this bombed out bun warmer! Okay, you get my point. I have a soft spot in my heart and a rumble in my stomach for outhouses and I often shed a tear and pass a little gas at the thought of seeing one of these structures that has served me and others so well left abandoned, abused, unloved and fading into the anals (yes, that's no word usage error) of history. Let's all bow our heads now, a little moment of silence-RIP!

Tread lightly and mind your manners on this trail!

I think that one of these days when I get a break between putting out hiking guides (I am currently working on three new ones-so this won't be for awhile!) I should put together a little photo-book on humorous signs in the backcountry. A couple of my favorites I have shared with you in the past is Feces Alert and Bury your Poop- two signs that I plan on carrying with me to upcoming political rallies! But here's one I like, "Sylvia Creek Trail is a Sensitive Trail!" Does that mean that this trail will coddle me and make me a cup of hot chocolate when I am having a bad day? Be a great hike for someone going through a divorce, death, or financial meltdown? A new kinder gentler type of trail? Just what is a sensitive trail? I know what sensitive habitat is! But a sensitive trail-truly it must call for walking softly-and leave the big stick at home!

Tiger's favorite Reindeer

So, the other night I was reading "A visit from Saint Nicholas," the classic poem by Clement C. Moore, more affectionately known as the, "Twas the Night before Christmas." I had to pause when it came to the reindeer. I guess I never gave their names much thought when I was a child. But upon further reflection, I thought-Wow! Those reindeer names sound like strippers!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

Whoaa-what a subliminally erotic tale! Prancer? Cupid? Dasher? Dancer? And especially Vixen! Yeah, I like Vixen. Matter of fact I believe that Vixen is Tiger Woods' favorite reindeer. I can just hear him now at the Woods homestead this Christmas with his lovely wife discussing Vixen. "Yes, deer!" "Why no deer!" "Anything for you my deer" "Oh deer me!"

Now dash away Vixen-dash away-all of you!!

(photo- from Reindeer Vixen Games - Women's Sexy Christmas Costumes Lingerie Outfits)

It's the trees stupid!

Okay, here's my seasonal pet peeve. I'm tired of hearing about how pretty the fall colors are here in western Washington. What fall colors!?! Now, don't get me wrong, western Washington is beautiful and I love hiking here. The mountains here are grand and spectacular. The alpine meadows are sprawling and resplendent. The waterfalls are ubiquitous and stupendous. The trees are stately and magnificent. But what is not grand, magnificent, stupendous or gorgeous out here is the autumn foliage. Seriously, my Northwest friends and colleagues, there are no "beautiful fall colors" out here! Big leaf maples turn turd yellow. The rest of the trees are green! This is after all the Evergreen state-and it stays ever green in October too!

You want spectacular fall colors? You need to head to my home state of New Hampshire and its New England neighbors. Autumn is stupendous in New England. There are few places on the planet that rival this part of the country when it comes to dazzling fall colors. The ridges turn into hillsides of fruit loops. Red, yellow, orange, and every tone of these colors. And why is that? Because of Northern hardwoods! Beeches, sugar maples, red maples, silver maples, witch hazel, yellow birch, paper birch, sycamore, hickory, walnut, poplar, cheery, ash, even the cruddy oaks turn red! You need hardwoods for colorful foliage!

The few hardwoods in western Washington, like the Big leaf maple just turn crappy brown. Yeah, there's the occasional avalanche chute of vine maples and they turn a crimson red. And blueberry bushes turn scarlet too-but still the mountains and forests of Western Washington are overwhelmingly green!

So, yes my Northwest friends, you can be smug when talking to me about my beloved White Mountains and state that they are not real mountains. But I have boasting rights when I say you haven't seen gorgeous fall colors until you spend a Columbus day weekend in Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Quebec! I'm going to once again miss autumn this year-no trip to New England this fall. But at least I have my Eastern Washington larches and aspens to lighten up my fall and maybe next autumn I'll get back to the Whites for a hike or two! In the meanwhile check out VisitNH for some nice autumn photos and check out my brother Jeff's book (pictured above) for some great Maine and New Hampshire autumn hiking destinations. See that cover-Pisgah State Park in early October. I was there for that photo. Now, that's some pretty fall colors!

Help me teach Glenn Beck, Michelle Malkin, Stephanie Meyer, Dan Brown, Sarah Palin, and Vicki Myron a lesson!

I just don't get it! I slave for years hiking trails, being slumped in front of the computer, and traveling to bookstores all over the Northwest doing promotions-and I just can't get on the book best sellers lists. Glenn Beck sells a zillion copies of his latest book before it even comes out. Same for Brown. Meyer-sheesh, I hold my tongue. And Palin-give me a freakin break. I hope the person who wrote it for her gets more than a fair cut. Now, nobody said making a living as a writer was going to be easy. But I work hard. I want my cut of the publishing pie too! So I have two options to get even here with these successful writers. Either you go out and buy my books for all of your friends and family right now-or my next book will be about a conservative vampire cat that gets embroiled in a conspiracy! Write on....

Defecation Proclamations

Signs of the Time?

Was there ever a time in our country's history when we could truly trust our politicians? Certainly not ones from Texas and Chicago. Well, okay maybe Abe Lincoln and Stephen Austin, but that was a long, long time ago! All I know that in this decade of Bush-Obama, I need a full time BS protector. And while that may be years in the making before some hotsh*t entrepreneur designs one- well at least the usually inept Forest Service has designed (and prominently displayed at some trailheads) a few signs I can take with me to the next townhall meeting or campaign rally. Check 'em out! What do you think? You might even find A-corn nestled within the stench! Mission accomplished! Change you can believe in! Feces alert indeed!

(photos- Bury your Poop from Trapper Creek or is that Crapper Creek and Feces Alert from Peak a Boo Lake or is that Peak a Poo Lake?)

Pee, and they will come!

Have you ever wanted to get a great photo of a mountain goat? Let me tell you how to get a killer shot with three easy steps-well actually two easy steps. The first step is hard. Bust your butt getting up into the Enchantment Lakes Basin. Step Two. Drink lots of coffee and/or water beforehand. Step Three. Pee on a rock. Now wait. Voila! A goat will materialize out of nowhere!

On my recent trek across the Enchantments I stopped for a mid afternoon break to relieve myself. Making sure that I was urinating in an environmentally correct way, I hosed down a nearby granite ledge. You don't want to squirt the vegetation because those salt-craving resident goats will tear up the turf slurping up your urine-ade.

Talk about a conditioned response. Those resident goats know the sound urine makes when its dancing off a rock. As soon as I was done, a big ole goat came lumbering out of nowhere to sample the freshly made hot Italian soda. He loved it! I enjoyed photographing him. So Art Wolfe, is this the secret to your great wildlife photos? More than a few of your images are real pissers! Drink up my fellow wildlife photographers and hit the trail!

Court House Continuum

You can add to my list of favorite Washington courthouses (no, I haven't spent time in them fighting infractions!), the Jefferson County Courthouse. I can't believe I forgot that one! I was in Port Townsend this past weekend giving a talk at the Jefferson County Historical Museum and had the opportunity to walk around town a bit later. (Also the opp to view a special comic book collection-thanks, Bill!) I forgot how beautiful PT's courthouse is.

And you can add Port Townsend to my favorite towns for doing a book talk at. PT has surpassed Bellingham in the number of attendees I have gotten at an event. I had over 80 fellow hikers crammed in the city council chambers to hear me talk about hiking in the Olympics. Sold a considerable amount of books too. Thanks PT!

And if I wasn't a guidebook writer maybe I would go in business printing left-wing bumper stickers. I'd make a fortunate selling them in PT. What is it with far lefties anyways with their constant need to be a walking billboard to shove their views in your face? You rarely ever see a far-right winger with more than two bumper stickers on his/her vehicle. But lefties-their entire VW van is plastered in them-maybe its holding those junkie carbon-belchers together! Bumper stickers are like cats-if you have more than two you definitely have some personality disorder! And don't even get me going on tattoos and piercings. At times when I was walking around PT I felt like I was back in the 1890s at a circus sideshow! Oh, Romano you just don't understand free expression- the hell I don't I'm using it right now!

Seriously, PT is a beautiful town and a great place to hang out and there are definitely some characters there. But there are characters everywhere-conservative, liberal, apolitical, apocalyptic-they just are more noticeable in PT. Or to paraphrase New York Comedian Eddie Diaz when he commented on meeting me in Seattle years ago. "Romano-uh? back in my hometown Romano is like dog crap in the city-there's one on every corner!" And in PT there's one shall we say confromed non-conformist (I swear they all read the same handbook on how to dress, dance, and what to eat and say) on every corner as well. Ain't America grand?!

IT'S TIME TO MAKE OUR FORESTS MORE COMFORTABLE AND ACCESSIBLE

The Washington trail system is over-rated and over-used. How can one consistently derive pleasure from hiking trails full of suburban pot-bellied refugees huffing and puffing to get a view of Mount Rainier? How many times can you possibly look at that over-grown mass of rock and ice? I have found that in order to enjoy a real outdoors experience where I can be alone and commune with my surroundings, I need only to venture to the nearest area of clearcut logging. The trouble with forests is that there are too many trees. Trees block both the views and the sun - when it decides to make an appearance. There is nothing so awesome as looking out at an open and expansive landscape that has been thoroughly denuded of vegetation. The scenery is somewhat surreal, recalling post-World War I Europe. There is a certain romanticism to this beauty. Occasionally a lone raven will fly over the cut area. In Native American religion, the Raven creates. How ironic it is to watch this bird soaring over the altered landscape. How can you not admire the power of man over nature when you hike through one of these areas? Clearcuts of old growth forests are the most awesome. To see a tree over 1,000 years old come toppling down is an incredible experience. It is especially assuring to know the tree won't be wasted. It will end up as a cabinet in Tokyo or a beam in a Long Island cottage. I like to hike through clearcuts in National Forests. These are our forests and it is reassuring to see they are being managed wisely. What a waste to keep these big, old trees standing. Not only are they performing no economic good, but I can't see a damn thing when I hike through them. Clearcuts are great wildlife viewing areas as well. In forests, you can never see the bear, elk or owls. But in a clearcut you can see animals everywhere. Once I saw a huge flock of starlings land on a grove of stumps. What a shame it would have been if an eagle came by to harass them. Once I camped out with some friends in a clearcut area that was not too far from the Interstate. All night we could hear the cars and the semis buzzing by. The constant lull of the traffic put us to sleep. This experience stood in such a contrast to camping by water - usually the babbling of streams keeps me tossing and turning. The second night we were out we decided to bag some game to add to our experience. We were able to shoot a marbled murrlet that had returned looking for its nest in a freshly logged tree. What luck! We cooked him up and he wasn't too bad. Tasted a little like spotted owl. If I ever get lost while hiking in a clearcut area I just follow my beer cans out. If you are bored on the return and you can't find any small mammals, the cans make for good target practice. Clearcuts are rapidly being reforested in this state and they are getting harder and harder to find. Bleeding heart environmental commie pinkos are screaming that logging is destroying the earth. I saw no evidence for their exaggerated claims. I even saw a salmon in the silt of a stream running through a clearcut area. I know the big timber companies have my best interests in mind when they put up those neat signs along the roads that say, "Our forests are working for you!" We need to stop putting so much land in preserves where my recreational opportunities are so limited and start allowing for more cuts. Think of all the new views that would be created. When hillsides erode out and slash piles up, it only adds to the excitement of the clearcut adventure. There are so many good uses for trees I can't understand why any one would consider letting them stand. Write to your representative and demand that more cutting take place. Our state will be more beautiful and our planet a warmer place to hike. Think of it, a longer hiking season. Grab your chainsaw and go take a hike!

Oh yeah- And April Fools!!!!!

Thanks to Kim Brown for digging this article up-one I wrote for the UW Daily back in 1996 when I was a graduate student. I consider it one of my classic articles from my three year stint with the Daily.

Giuseppe Mourns Socks

Giuseppe got the sad news today that former President Bill Clinton's cat, Socks passed away. He lived a good life no doubt-to a ripe old age of 18 and Giuseppe can only hope that he too sees that many years. Giuseppe was a little upset hearing how Socks took a back seat to Buddy, the chocolate lab, and then how Clinton abandoned Socks (don't feel bad Hillary, you weren't the only one) after he left office. Perhaps the most (and maybe the only in quite some time) honest resident of the White House, Socks will be missed. Giuseppe has instructed all felines out there to half-mast their long fuzzy-tail things that they like to chase.

Forget the Steelers- Its Groundhog Day!

Happy Groundhog Day! Yep, its that quirky holiday again that was brought to us by German Catholic immigrants to Pennsylvania many moons ago when all eyes are on a woodchuck (aka groundhog, whistling pig, eastern marmot) and his prediction on whether winter will last for another 6 weeks. Over in Western PA hungover Super Bowl revelers waited for the most famous ground hog of them all, Punxsutawney Phil to see if he could see his shadow-guaranteeing more winter-or not see his shadow guaranteeing an early spring. And despite some heavy lobbying from Al Gore, Punxsutawney Phil did see his shadow so don't put away those shovels just yet! Its shaping up again to be quite another winter back east and throughout many other parts of the country as well. Not sure the groundhog can take much credit for any of it though. Winter happens. And I'm sure that even with all the doom and gloom climate change fear mongers and the industry as usual climate change deniers spewing plenty of hot air- winter will continue to happen. Okay, Phil- go back to sleep-you're not missing much-unless you can predict whether the 1 trillion dollar stimulus bill will pass. But , I think for that we'll need to find your cousin Porkbarrelspending Swill to Make that prediction!

(photo- Phil's Washington cousin, Cadymeadows Jill wondering if it will be another 6 months of winter in the high Cascades).

The Way Life Should Be?

Freezing Cold!?!

When I was growing up in New Hampshire, the welcoming signs to neighboring Maine proclaimed "Welcome to Vacationland USA." Of course living in a state with no shortage of beautiful lakes, mountains and forests, that moniker wasn't enough of an enticement to get me to spend more time in the Pine Tree State. Now I see Maine has changed its welcoming slogan to "Welcome to Maine, the way life should be." I read that sign shortly before stopping at a toll booth to fork over $1.75 driving north to beat an incoming snow storm. The following day with my brother, Jeff, his wife Maria, their son Anthony- all Mainards, and my wife Heather we attempted to do a little bird watching at Popham Beach State Park. Beautiful place. There's a reason why Maine's beaches don't look like Florida's with wall-to-wall condos. It's damn cold on the Maine Coast! The Way Life should be my frozen fanny! But seriously, Maine is in many ways the way life should be! It is uncrowded, unhurried, and full of small tight-knit communities with strong senses of community. Ironic when you think that this is our easternmost state, and Americans over the years have headed west for a better life only to end up in crowded, crime-ridden, faceless communities in western states! But, still even in Maine there are a few down sides. Taxes are high, jobs aren't exactly abundant, and limousine liberals from crowded areas south buy up prime tracts of ocean and lake front properties, build mega-cottages, post no trespassing signs, then complain that there are trailer parks nearby and lose sleep over the prospects (remote I may add) that they may lose their investment property to rising tides due to global warming. Good grief! I guess no place is perfect-but boy do those lobstas, cups of chowda and authentic maple syrup make Maine pretty darn close! And the scenery ain't too shabby either!

(photo- A group of frozen birdwatchers on the Maine coast)

Ceder Butt?
And just what the hell is a Ceder Butt? Evidently its the geodetically recognized little landform rising just to the east of Rattlesnake Lake outside of North Bend Wa. Is ceder anything like cedar? And is a Cedar Butt anything like Ash Ass, Cherry Cheeks, Basswood Buns, Hemlock Hynee, or Beech Bum? I hope not! The thought of slivers in a very precarious place immediately come to mind!
But seriously- Ceder Butt? What were the hiring standards like for the government back in 1937 when that benchmark was set? Yeah, I know-probably not much different from today.
Ceder Butt is one of the 50 featured hikes in my upcoming Winter Hikes Card Deck to be released next fall by Mountaineers Books. You don't need to wait that long though to see this nice butt! Get yours in gear and enjoy the hike!